Oct 15, 2009

My First Love

When talking about the first love, I know, how much excited are all in describing their teenage love affairs or in claiming that the experiences they had were the most unique and interesting ones. Though I have an impression among my friend circle as one who looks at every human affair in a quiet objective and unbiased way, I too have the same opinion regarding my first love. Those who disagree may go through the following scribbles on my first love experience and decide yourself if my claim is true or not.

My first love was love at first sight happened on the first day of my college. Among several faces of girls in my batch, the only face that imposed a lasting image in my mind was hers and I think it was because she had a slight resemblance with my favorite actress of that time.
What I found as the most attractive in her appearance were her face that reminded me of some Bible characters and her smile that embellished her glittering teeth and rosy lips.

Since I was a shy guy, I found that there was no chance for me to have even a casual encounter with her, but I felt each accidental meeting we had as signs that God had a plan to joint both of us together. During those stages of my infatuation, I experienced powerful thunderbolts in my heart those are usual when a young man’s eyes meet those of a young woman.

Though I was afraid of meeting her, I never missed a single chance to face her. I attended my tuition classes regularly on the morning since it was the time she crossed my way to attend her tuition classes. We passed everyday without a single nod or smile, but with some shy and affectionate glances. She usually was accompanied by her hostel mates, while I used to be alone.

During one of such wayside meets, one day she courageously stepped ahead and presented me with a beautiful smile. A heart-failed me just went mum and inadvertently stared at her gleaming eyes like the one who forgot how to smile back. I suspect that a shy grin had escaped from my mouth.

Days had passed with no improvement in my innocent love towards her, but only with my growing innate passion. The nights were rich with plenty of dreams with her smiling pretty face as the major element.

One day accidentally I happened to know from one of our common friends that she was one year elder to me. If a girl was at least one month elder to you, you must give her respect; that was the findings of my conservative mindset. I wonder now, how delicate was my heart during those days, I wept at my home in the nights just like a forsaken lover who was left by his girlfriend. The universal example of Sachin Tendulkar’s marriage with a six year older Anjali didn’t comfort me. Nowadays it seems to me that the sorrow that I experienced at that time was similar to that of a lost lover’s.

The number of her friends and admirers were progressing, quiet reverse to mine. I had to struggle to conceal my love towards a ‘becoming popular’ girl from my friends. I turned my face away from my friends whenever this girl became a subject of their talks so that they wouldn’t catch the slight coloration on my face. And a few of my friends who knew my secret love were keen on taking special care in not hurting me.

This girl failed to find out my feelings, and whenever we met, she stared at me thinking what kind of a boy I was.

On our last day of that college, nothing happened, through a window hidden in the shadows, I just watched her walking away to an uncertain end with another girl. I was alone, and I felt the strength of the thickening loneliness once again inside. I immensely wanted to cry out my heart, but not a single sob didn't escape from me. That was the end.

After a few years, shedding the last piece of my love towards her, I wonder how I can say that I had a love affair at that age. But I still say, yeah I was in love during those days.
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